I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
