i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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