forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
