Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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