Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Randomize
