she was so not down for the gang bang
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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