Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
