I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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