I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We got so high we made milksteak
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
