If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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