I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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