Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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