Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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