She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
