The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I party with great urgency now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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