After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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