I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
