You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Shame is for Republicans.
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