i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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