Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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