You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
