If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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