Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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