i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize