is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
