Where is the hickey?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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