Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
