I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
