this boner is exhausting
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
