I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
