Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize