I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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