I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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