I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
