omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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