Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
