the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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