Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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