don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
