She said her name was "party"
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
