Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
