last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
