walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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