Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
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