Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
