I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
