I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
