Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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