there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
