She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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