ugly people sure do ruin things
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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