Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
