the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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