then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize