3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
50% drunk capacity currently
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
