I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
