I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
