I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
