the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
