I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
