She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
