Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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