You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And then he peed in my hair
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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