I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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