you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
