maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
