I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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