Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
