Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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