She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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