Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we're so committed to being not committed
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize