i think my tv is drunk
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize