Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I could make wine with my vomit
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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