hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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