absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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