i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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