that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
