so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
