Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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