I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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