K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
