The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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