Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
