I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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