well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
