Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
