Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I faked an abortion last night.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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