I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
