Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
