Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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