Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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