Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
