One girl and one boy is just not enough.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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